I had a very interesting conversation with a friend of mine driving down Central in front of Richardson Towers.Out of the blue he asks me if I'm religious. -This is weird for me in the first place because in my home city, we never talked openly about each person's belief. I don't mean to imply that it's a taboo subject but religion played no large part in our daily lives and we had no reason to confront it. - With that said, I answered him as honestly as possible with a definately indefinate "I don't know".
SIDENOTE: I've noticed that during a conversation, if you do not input the majority of the dialogue then the other person feels obligated to fill the silence. It's shocking the mass amount of information that a person will unknowingly divulge.
But to continue, it was with my friend's response that I knew immediately what he believed. He said "How do you not know? Its either yes or no. It is as simple as black and white". And he said this with such certainty tinged with an aura of alarm that I had not noticed the simplicity of faith. The question then becomes - Is faith really that simple and the complexity of human nature has caused us to add-on to religion? To warp its fragile and delicate nature? Is faith even delicate, like an antique vase that if knocked to the ground would shatter into millions of meaningless pieces?
If I was asked that final question, my answer would be a clear-cut 'yes'. This past January, I took my grandmother who raised me alongside my mother to the hospital. Her lung cancer had returned from thirteen years previous and that day she was scheduled for a lobectomy - in other words, the doctor was going to remove what was left of her left lung. During the surgury, her heart stopped. She was revived. They continued with the surgury. Then her heart stopped again. She was pronounced dead almost thirty minutes later. It wasn't until the autopsy was performed that it was discovered that the surgeon had sliced through her pulmonary artery aka malpractice. I was at the hospital alone when the doctor came and told me. I had to call my mom and other close relatives to relay the news. And during those phone calls, my heart broke and my faith shattered and I'm in search of healing, yet to find it.
For my grandmother's sake, I pray there is a heaven because she deserves nothing but the best.
This post is for my grandma, Linda Miller. I love you and I miss you. You cross my mind every single day.<3 Thank you for all you taught me. I'm so sorry.
The power of language to heal.
ReplyDeleteThe power of silence.
The power of not knowing.
Ironically, my grandmother was an instructor of language at Butler University in Indianapolis. She had her masters degree in spanish and spent at least half of her life immersed in latin american language and cultural diversity. She believed that language should not become a barrier between cultures but instead a bridge that crossed the chasm of misunderstanding. Raised in a household with both my mother and grandmother, I was also raised in a bilingual envirenment. I'm a fluent spanish speaker.
ReplyDeleteIt never seemed a big deal to both speak and understand except when, in middle school, I was part of a community service organization that helped feed, clothe, and provide toys for disadvantaged children.
One afternoon after school let out, we hosted a party for children in the four to five range. We fed them, played games, and gave out toys as prizes. While we were eating, a hispanic boy asked the teacher for another biscuit in spanish. But the teacher could not understand, there was no bridge between the two. He became scared that no one around was able to understand him. Even at a mere four or five years old, this fact caused him great distress. Since I was fluent, I stepped in and conversed. He was still hungry, thirsty, and scared that he was on one side of the chasm while the rest were on the other. What my grandmother taught me allowed me to construct that metaphorical bridge and ease his young mind.
It was one of the most meaningful experiences in my life.
First, I am sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteSecond, I appreciate the question you posted, "Is faith really that simple and the complexity of human nature has caused us to add-on to religion? To warp its fragile and delicate nature?"
I believe that we as humans have an issue with moderation, finding the middle road as it were. We do our best to explain the unexplainable based on our perspective and the scope of the physical. We try to limit everything to the bounds of our knowledge and understanding (i.e. "the world is flat", "pluto is a planet", etc.). As our knowledge and understanding grows and expands our perspective changes. The issue is that intangibles such as faith, cannot be explained within the boundaries of the physical so we find ways to create a "physical faith" (i.e. religion) something we can explain/define within the bounds of our limited perspective.