How short is too short?

This past weekend, a friend of mine in indiana died. He was only eighteen and the only thing I can think about is how short our lives are in the continuum of time. But then I visualize the hundreds of thousands of children that have been diagnosed with terminal diseases. Children dying at the age of six, but accepting it with a  fierce resolve that implies the wiseness of those particular souls.
Is life fair?
Never.
Does life revolve around equality?
We think it should, but, in fact, it does not.
But whilst I leave this heartwrenching fact to toil in your mind, I want you to remember something that was said by Father Alfred D'Souza (the inspirational writer/philosopher that said "Dance as though no one is watching you, Love as though you have never been hurt before...") which goes like this, "For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life.  But there was always some obstacle in the way.  Something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid.  Then life would begin.  At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life".
Itb,
Vanna

I'd be afraid

I don't know what i would do if i did not feel right in my own skin. If i felt uncomfortable in my femaleness. Two transgendered men live in my dorm who regularly dress like women. One of my very good friends was a transgendered male-female and it never bothered me or freaked me out. I absolutely love my friend Shawn. But I cannot even imagine how it feels to live in their shoes. To live a life of constant harassment, bullying, and fear. Which are the same feelings that young adults are experiencing when they realize that they are either gay, bisexual, transgendered, or transvestite. I used to frequent a private organization that has been established in Indiana named Indiana's Youth Group, or IYG for short. I've met countless friends from there that I will know for the rest of my life but while i can befriend them and hangout with them, i will never understand the struggle.
A struggle that they experience on a mental, physical, and metaphorical level. I cant imagine being uncomfortable in the skin i was born with. Would i feel trapped? Experience panic attacks? Would my family understand since a lot of people in the outside world sure as hell don't? The other day was National Coming Out day.
Even though my orientation is straight, I'm coming out for those who experience this on a day to day basis.
I don't know what it is like to walk a mile in your shoes but you best believe I'd be willing to walk a mile alongside you.

Sometimes it is nice to take the scenic route

Maybe my outlook on life has changed but I feel so optimistic these past few days. The world has changed in my eyes, a definite change for the better though. I used to be pessimistic and I always had a negative outlook on situations. Always expecting the worst out of people. But it's so unhealthy to live like that. Negative energy not only breed more negative energy but it also attracts it.You've heard the saying -those of like personalities subconciously find one another- like any other group of people. Pessimists breed pessimism and attract the hell out of it from outside sources. I can't live like that anymore. Aside from being enamored with my newfound optimism, I feel so much more spontaneous. Life's journeys cannot be planned. In fact, what you plan for never occurs how it should. The plan has kinks in it that people act unaware of but they know damn well the kinks are lurking around the next bend waiting to give you a metaphorical flat. People become so focused on planning their life that they miss half of it. One day they'll wake up seventy and in a nursing home, confused, wondering where their life went. To be spontaneous is to be free and open to every rising opportunity. It doesn't mean that one has to partake in every opportunity but each one is there as an option. Just tonight, since it's my birthday week, I chose to hangout with the italian twins and play video games. Staying up all hours of the night learning to kill nazi zombies on COD and spending my evening with two very good friends. Even though I didn't make it back to the room until early morning, I had a great evening just being spontaneous and optimistic. Enjoying life.
To actually live is to live like your going to die every single day. We have to make the most of what we have left. Life is so short in the span of all time.
Enjoy the scenery, it'll be gone one day.

Why soooo late

What is our deal, procrastinators?
Yeah, you. I'm talking to you. You do realize that we make life so much harder on ourselves. Adding unnecessary stress to the load that we already struggle to carry. But do not think I'm being hypocritical. No, in fact, I have been stranded on this same life-raft as you. I just now finished a short paper for art history. A paper that should have been done over the weekend, but instead I have waited to cross this particular bridge for many a-day. I've been floating in this procrastination raft for a long time. Long enough to know now that the assignment, whatever it is, will definitely get done. But not until the last possible moment. The ultimatum: homework or fail. Which is comparable to the Vote or Die campaign parody on South Park. An individual in South Park, Colorado and inhabitants in any other US state had two options: vote or get shot and actually die. It was no joke and not a laughing matter just like homework should be for students. Homework can be your savior or your guide to some hellish nightmare who you compensate with all those F's and zero's. I desperately want to be the type of student that finishes an assignment immediately but I have become embedded in my thoughts and ways, like so many other americans, I do not want to even fathom the idea of change. But you know as well as I do that this process of procrastination is flawed and it can come back to bite you in the ass.
Are you aware, fellow procrastinators, of the harm we are doing to ourselves?

The taste you can see

The intrinsic nature of humans is really not as profound to boggle the mind of a simpleton. One basic necessity is companionship and/or community. A connection to another human being that makes life worth being involved in. Those that commit suicide are those who've not found that strong connection. Usually, a community forms around an object or area that is familiar to each seperate party. The most obvious example on campus other than eating areas are the smoking areas; particularly the benches in front of the south entrance to Richardson towers. Smoking, a social activity, at least for me, brings together all types of people. Today was a lazy Sunday with too many people hungover and tired from the massive amounts of partying that took place over the past two days. Earlier this afternoon, I went and sat next to a friend of mine on one of the previously mentioned benches. Like it was fated, every person my friend and I had ever come in contact with came outside to smoke or visit. At one point in the afternoon there was a good twenty people socializing and talking in a comfortable, friendly setting. A setting that contrasts the loud clubs and parties that these folks attended nights before. However, there's also the need for one to be alone and take some time for him or her-self. So, after hours of sitting and laughing - oh so much laughing - each person or group of persons took their belongings and wandered to the next stop on their metaphorical path; going with the comforting feeling that one could return to the benches some other time and the community estabilished still will be standing invisibly strong.

Just give me time. If I don't know the answer, give me time and I'll find it.

I had a very interesting conversation with a friend of mine driving down Central in front of Richardson Towers.Out of the blue he asks me if I'm religious. -This is weird for me in the first place because in my home city, we never talked openly about each person's belief. I don't mean to imply that it's a taboo subject but religion played no large part in our daily lives and we had no reason to confront it. - With that said, I answered him as honestly as possible with a definately indefinate "I don't know".

SIDENOTE: I've noticed that during a conversation, if you do not input the majority of the dialogue then the other person feels obligated to fill the silence. It's shocking the mass amount of information that a person will unknowingly divulge.

But to continue, it was with my friend's response that I knew immediately what he believed. He said "How do you not know? Its either yes or no. It is as simple as black and white". And he said this with such certainty tinged with an aura of alarm that I had not noticed the simplicity of faith. The question then becomes - Is faith really that simple and the complexity of human nature has caused us to add-on to religion? To warp its fragile and delicate nature? Is faith even delicate, like an antique vase that if knocked to the ground would shatter into millions of meaningless pieces?

If I was asked that final question, my answer would be a clear-cut 'yes'. This past January, I took my grandmother who raised me alongside my mother to the hospital. Her lung cancer had returned from thirteen years previous and that day she was scheduled for a lobectomy - in other words, the doctor was going to remove what was left of her left lung. During the surgury, her heart stopped. She was revived. They continued with the surgury. Then her heart stopped again. She was pronounced dead almost thirty minutes later. It wasn't until the autopsy was performed that it was discovered that the surgeon had sliced through her pulmonary artery aka malpractice. I was at the hospital alone when the doctor came and told me. I had to call my mom and other close relatives to relay the news. And during those phone calls, my heart broke and my faith shattered and I'm in search of healing, yet to find it.

For my grandmother's sake, I pray there is a heaven because she deserves nothing but the best.

This post is for my grandma, Linda Miller. I love you and I miss you. You cross my mind every single day.<3 Thank you for all you taught me. I'm so sorry.

Your a crazy man, just so you know.

This is absolutely ludicrous. This past Monday and Tuesday, I was confronted with evidence of living in the 'bible belt'. The first day of these men 'preaching to students', I was told that I was a sinner and that God was disgusted with me. Granted, I do not always act perfect - behavior wise - but I doubt that anyone is disgusted with me. As a child, my grandmother took me to church every sunday and I was raised within a Christian envirement. However, I never heard that God hated his children or that all who do not believe will burn in hell's fire. I was taught never to judge and to respect my fellow neighbors. Some students listening in on the unwanted visit by radical christians believed that his words were right but his approach missed the mark. Well, to those who subscribe to this idea, I'm afraid I still disagree. I always believed that Jesus came to protect those who were not wanted by mainstream society - the prostitutes, the beggars, the lepers, the sick and dying, the thieves and criminals. He befriended a prostitute, Jezebel, which makes me think that instead of hating everyone, Jesus's only goal was to forgive and save and protect the people of this world.

I also want to say, though, that as I have grown I lost faith in religion and realized that institutionalized religion has warped the original goal of believing in a higher power. I do not classify myself as Atheist because I hope that something after death does exist and I hope that there is some ultimate being. I lost my grandmother this past January because of malpractice during surgery. It comforts me to think that she's in a better place, even though I don't know if there is a heaven, a hell, a limbo, or anything of the like.

But this? This was unnecessary.